Cheating. It still manages to surprise me.

Today I found out that someone I really admire and is a great person, mom and cheerleader for her family was cheated on by her husband. He doesn't know if he wants to try to make their marriage work.

  


She is a stay-at-home mom. I think that is the part that gets me the most. She stays at home to take care of her family and provide a good foundation for their children - and he does this. What does SHE do now?


She wants to make it work. And I totally understand that. What I don't understand is what made him do it in the first place?


Here is a graphic I found about this subject:

Having intimately witnessed cheating - I find it hard to find justification for it. I really do. My mother was a cheater - for her there was no way out - so she turned to an affair to escape my father and his abusive, destructive ways. That part I understand. Do I approve - no - but I think she felt that it was her only option at the time. She fell victim to #1, #5 & and #6 on the list above. Do I think she handled it the wrong way? Most definitely.


Now I know cheating has been happening as long as there have been men and women creating close, binding relationships - but I still don't agree with it.


Look - if you are unhappy - get out or go to counseling. SOMETHING to let the other person know there is a problem.  It's not really fair to go to the cheated party AFTER the fact and ask them to change or expect them to change. The damage is already done. The hurt has been inflicted and the trust has been broken. 

I don't know why - but this has just been sitting on my heart all day.  I think because there is such an unfair advantage in this case. In most cases where one spouse holds all of the financial cards in the relationship he gets to move on - she has to figure out how to provide for her kids and try to find a job in today's really crappy economy and with the handicap of having been a homemaker for all of these years.


I'm not saying that all cheaters are men or that all circumstances are black and white. What I am saying is own it. 

1. If you feel like you are trapped - talk about it. 

2. If you feel unloved or not validated - talk about that too.

3. If you feel like you have fallen out of love - seek counseling.

4. If you can't or won't say no - then you are a pussy and need help.

5. If you want to get back at them - then leave them and THEN start a new relationship.

6. If you can't stand intimacy - then see # 4 above.

You may feel trapped, unloved, abused, etc - but think of your kids. Think of what your actions do to them. Think of the emotional trauma you are about to inflict on these poor, defenseless creatures that YOU brought into the world to protect and raise.  Also think about how this might help create either a cheater or a cheated. 

Gives you something to think about.