Being a new mommy is a whirlwind - don't let them ever tell you differently. I can now see all moms shaking their heads sagely in unison saying 'Ah - young grasshopper - you now know too the trial by fire that is motherhood. Learn your lessons well and remember.'
Or - they could be cackling at the joy of knowing that another now knows the hell and pain they endured as new mothers. Either would be very appropriate because they DO tell you that you are never prepared - and that collective voice is exactly right.
In honor of the cadre of parents out there who have doled out their sage advice - here is what I have learned over the past week. I am marking my lessons well and starting to learn some of the ropes. Of course I am well aware that as soon as I master one area - another thing will sneak around the corner and bite me in the ass.
1. The baby swing is my friend (learned that lesson this morning - I am a bit slow you know)
2. Accept any and all help that is made available to you and do not be too prideful to ask for it if you need it
3. Even with 3 people - sometimes a baby is all you can handle. I have no idea how women do it alone. I give them the utmost credit. I don't think I could do it
4. Sleep deprivation is a nasty, nasty thing that can have even two jovial, loving people snapping each other's heads off at 2 am when neither can figure out WHY the baby is crying
5. You CAN overfeed a baby and spit up that comes out of the nose and covers the face and head is really freaking scary
6. I have very little modesty left and will now whip out my boob on command for anyone with authority to inspect it and push and prod it to make it work properly
7. Pain meds are way underrated and are a god send. Seriously.
8. It is perfectly normal to poke the baby a bit when it is sleeping to ensure she is still breathing
9. Powdered formula is WAY better than the premixed stuff
10. Guilt is a powerful motivator
11. You can never love them enough - ever
12. You can never appreciate your partner enough -but when they are tired and testy - it is best to come at it VERY calmly
13. It is ok to cry when you are overwhelmed - and often
14. Showers are like Nirvana -or crack - depends on how you find your inner peace
15. Love and support from family and friends is worth more than gold -- it is immeasurable and it is possible to be overwhelmed by the kindness of others. I have seriously used up ALL of my Karma points on Evie - but I give them up gladly for her
16. Staying calm in the presence of fear and danger is the only way to go
17. Prayer is underrated as well - I really do believe they saved my little girl
18. Developing their brains at an early age is essential - and it is completely ok to read Entertainment Weekly to them at this age as they are just interested in the words anyway. The articles really do use some nice, big words that help Mommy stay sane and gives baby an edge in vocab
19. Receiving blankets from the store are WAY too small. The hospital ones are the bomb and I am very glad that we were able to 'snag' 2 with the help of a nurse. Although I wish we had snagged 10 instead
20. Babies go through a
So there is just a brief list of things that I have learned over the past week. Such a small list - but then I AM a bit sleep deprived. As far as the formula thing is concerned - we are actually doing both. Breast milk and formula. Being as she was in the NICU for over a week and they started her on formula/bottle - it has been near impossible to get her to switch over to breast completely. With the help of a breast shield she is able to go to town - but her sucking is SO vigorous that it causes some challenges one would not expect - like sucking said nipple THROUGH the shield holes creating nice blood blisters. (I know - TMI - get used to it - it is me - not Dan. LOL).
Also - I was pumping in the hospital and continue to do so - but my milk just has not come in as it should. She would seriously starve if it was breast alone. We have TRIED to get her to go without the shield - but it just ain't happening. Also - she is a 'sleep' eater - so when breastfeeding it takes anywhere from 45 min - 90 min for one feeding as I am constantly trying to wake her up. I don't really mind it - except when I am averaging 2 hours of sleep a night - those hour and half feedings can get a bit rough. Whereas she can suck a bottle in under 10. Sometimes under 5. SOOO - I am now pumping and letting her get it through the bottle. Makes both baby and mommy happier. Although I do miss the closeness of the 'natural' way. As the doctor said - seeing as what we both have been through - this little 'bump' in the road is minor. She is getting what is needed and that is what is most important.
On the progress front - she is really quite amazing. She is already doing things that she shouldn't be doing for another 2 months - which is WONDERFUL. She is trying to turn herself over when on her back and when on her stomach. She is smiling to show mommy and daddy she is happy. (not gas smiles - but real smiles). She mimics our facial expressions and is learning to self-soothe herself with her hands in her mouth and by holding her ear. I do have to admit that each time she twitches I am praying it is just a normal baby twitch and not a seizure - but I know that that new parent paranoia will dissipate with time.
She had her first Well - Baby visit with the specialist pediatrician on Thursday. She got A+'s in her developmental milestones. She is only in the 5% for weight - so we are taking her back for a weight check next Friday and for head and length she is in the 50%. She is our wee little fairy baby. Our perfect, beautiful little fairy baby.
We are working with her daily already with 'brain' activities that we found in books that my stepsister got us - also from some techniques she showed us. Basically - all of her 'awake' times are taken up with activities to grow her little brain. We are being as proactive as possible as far as making sure she is not only normal - but extraordinary (which she already is in our eyes).
We are also seeing a few other specialists over the next couple of months - like a neurologist and developmental therapist. I am also going to check out the Early Childhood Education program offered by the state of
My stepsister had something really great to share with us - and it will be something I will always remember in regards to Evie.
"Because of what happened to her - to all of you - her milestones will be miracles to you. Each new development, each new achievement will be unbelievable and remarkable to you. Parents who go home with 'normal' babies don't get that added joy. You do. Everything she does will be special to you."
That definitely sums it up for me.
For those who missed it - here is the retelling of the birth experience with Evie and why she is so special to us today. Dan's Blog
Our neighbors have been amazingly awesome to us over the past - God - 10 weeks or so. Since I was on bedrest - they have offered all kinds of love and support. Starting yesterday- they have offered (and I accepted of course as per the lesson from the last entry) - to rotate out and make us dinner each night for the next week.
Tonight was an awesome marinated chicken with a beautiful Italian Pasta dish, fresh fruit and homemade apple pie. Dan just needed to grill the chicken. (We have an awesomely sweet gas grill that is built in and attached to the house gas line - remember that last little bit there for future reference in the story).
So Dan starts the grill up when he gets home from his monster shopping trip (and don't let me forget to tell you about his gifts to me after this story) - and comes upstairs to help me with Evie. (I am living in the upstairs media room at the moment as I can only sleep in the recliner). He is upstairs with me for about 5 minutes and then takes Evie downstairs with him to putz around.
I here a yell of 'Oh NO!" and then the crashing of the back door. I hear Dan yell up for me to come and help him - he actually took time to say please. I come tearing down the stairs as best I can - to find Evie laying peacefully on the couch by the back door and Dan frantically putting out the fireball that our grill has become.
He runs into the house - rips out the fire extinguisher from under the sink and I dash for the baby - grab her and then grab the phone and dial 911. By now - the yard is billowing smoke and Dan is running for the hose. I am trying as best I can to calmly answer the 911 operators questions.
"Is the Fire out?" - I don't know - there is a lot of smoke. "Are there still flames?" - I'm not sure - but I think the grass might be on fire as my husband has the hose on it. The grill we have is gas and is attached to the house - can you please hurry? "We are sending someone over - call us if it gets worse" - Uhm - ok.
I hang up and then decide to take the baby into the FRONT of the house - just in case the line blows. I was crying and thinking of poor Dan out there battling the flames. We hear the fire truck sirens - and then they go silent. (the station is like 1/2 mile from the house).
I peek back out back - it is out and Dan is shaken. The truck pulls up outside the front of our house - Dan goes out front to meet them. They come back to the back and check to make sure the fire is out. Thanks to Dan's quick thinking - our house was saved. Apparently if we DIDN'T have the fire extinguisher - we would have lost the back half of the house -it was that bad. It was a grease fire. There were/are grease traps in the grill that they didn't let Dan know about when the grill was installed. It is now of course a burned out hull of a grill. Or at least looks like it to me.
Needless to say - all of the neighbors run outside and come over because they are terrified something is wrong with Evie. Which is TOTALLY understandable. So Dan relays the story - I guess it also gave them an excuse to check out the cute cutout stork we had put in the front yard to let everyone know Evie is here.
Dan and I are kind of done with the close call bullshit though. I can tell you that. NOT that want anything BAD to happen - but damn - we have had our fair share of close calls over the past 4 years - makes one a little tired - ya know?
In other news - I had taunted Dan from known pregnancy day 1 that I wanted jewelry for delivering his baby. I wanted something shiny and new (come aboard - we are expecting you) - anyway - I wanted some Bling as it were.
Seeing as she came early and the trauma and trials that came afterward - the jewelry thing fell by the wayside - which was ok. Well - he made good on his promise today. Like a hundred fold. Like in I bawled my eyes out and sat sniveling while he told me I deserved it for all I had been through.
Inside the little Jared jewelry bag he handed me were 3 - that is THREE boxes that were wrapped in beautiful bronze paper and cream bows. I cried just at the number. I honestly expected a bracelet from Costco or something.
The first box I opened was a pair of beautiful, amazing square ruby earrings two each earring with delicate diamond accents. The first ruby sits on end with the second larger one suspended from the top one. THEN the second box was a necklace of the same design - only 3 rubies - huge - seriously - and representing PAST PRESENT and FUTURE. I told Dan it represented me, him and Evie. And the third box had this absolutely beautiful ruby and diamond ring in it with white gold. Gorgeous. I will take pics and post later. All of them made me cry - all were so beautiful.They are also Evie and Dan's birthstones. Who could ask for more? All I can say is WOW. God I love that man.
public 0 1116 2006-08-10 10:14:00 2006-08-10 15:19:07 The Evolution of Sleeping Arrangements
I am finding that having a 'schedule' is impossible with a newborn. Which is fine - I can hang with that as I expected it. And we do 'kind of' have a schedule - our schedule is - she eats when she is hungry - I pump when the boobs hurt or it has been 3 hours and I happen to REMEMBER it has been 3 hours. (unless it is at night and then I just save up what small pittance I have for one big blow in the morning). In the morning I can actually pump enough for a WHOLE bottle. LOL - which constitutes 2 oz. I know. Big boobs don't mean lots of milk - its a rip off ain't it?
I am happy to say that we have discovered the muchly coveted Playtex disposable bottle liners that collapse and you can push all of the air out of. They rock. Of course they don't discourage ALL spit up or projectile vomiting - but they do help minimize it. Can I tell you how GUILTY I feel when she spews out what I feel are copious amounts of formula?
I feel horrible. Horrible. She doesn't spit up the good stuff - the breast milk - so that adds to the guilt. But then at least she is hanging onto the 'gold' stuff - right?
Tuesday Night was a big night for the Gilligan family - it was our first 'co-sleep' night. What this entails is a cute little 'box' that looks something like a plush litter box that you put the baby in and then the baby sleeps between you. Needless to say this has facilitated more sleep for me. I wouldn’t necessarily say the same for Dan as he has to wake up to hand her to me as I can BARELY get in and out of bed myself (it is a bit off the ground and requires a stepping stool to get in and out of). BUT – I can seem to sleep with her right beside me and I only wake up if she is really grousing.
Yesterday, in anticipation of my grandparents coming and staying for the next 2 weeks – my sister and I busted our butts to organize the house as much as possible. Of course that led me to push myself too far and I spent the night in abdominal agony. This will have me taking it easy today. Which I KNOW I need to do- but I tend to NOT do as I am that type A personality who MUST do everything for herself. You think I would learn – eh?
Yesterday was also trying in that little Evie has developed Cradle Cap or Cradle Crap as I tend to say it. This requires me to slather baby lotion on her head – let it sit for 15 minutes and then wash it off. Poor little baby has a greasy head now. But they said it DOES work and I feel so sorry for her little super flaky scalp. Poor baby. Also – yesterday was her first real vomit – which scared the crap out of me. I was singing her to sleep and all of a sudden – it comes shooting out all over her and me. And then of course afterwards she was warm and a bit lethargic (wouldn’t anyone who just tossed their cookies?) – so I took her temperature and it was ok and just hugged and loved on her. Made me a right cranky and worried mommy though.
Also – Dan has been working lots lately. I totally love and support him on it – but it makes me miss him and I know that he misses spending time with Evie. Its hard when he gets home after 8p knowing he has to go to work by 8a the next morning. Thankfully he has the day off tomorrow to deal with my doctor’s appt – Evie’s weigh in and the arrival of my grandparents. He has been really good with the work thing and only took a full week off after she was born and then has some days he is taking here and there when various family comes to town.
Anyway – I am still in ‘morning’ brain time – so I am going to cut this entry short. But I DO have some purty pictures to share. I would have shared yesterday but I misplaced my USB cable for the camera so I had to wait for Dan to get me another one. Until later peeps.
Love ya,
Jen
public 0 1511 2006-08-14 10:44:00 2006-08-14 15:48:35 And its Monday
Well - today is Monday and it has been an interesting weekend. First off - we went and had little miss E weighed. As you will recall the doctor thought she was underweight at her well-baby visit. WELL - in one week - she gained 1 lb and 1 oz so she was at 7 lbs 1oz on Friday. Dan and I did a little happy dance at the baby scale when she weighed in. The doctor and nurses were very happy. I was just so happy that she cleared that hurdle with flying colors. But of course she would - as she IS my super miracle baby. =)
The added weight means she has filled out too and her little cheeks are getting chubby and she is getting some dimples in them. I will have pics for ya tomorrow. And as baby gains weight - Mommy is happily and ecstatically LOSING weight. At my appt Friday I was down 24 lbs. WOOHOOO! Only 12 more to go to hit prepregnancy weight. Quite awesome if I don't say so myself.
The doctor said that if I kept losing it so fast we might want to look at my thyroid as it could have been sped up too much. I told her I would happily have it looked at AFTER I got down to my goal weight. I will celebrate an overactive thyroid at the moment. She laughed.
On the feeding front - and what added to an interesting weekend is that we had some 'tummy' issues with Evie this weekend. She had horrible, painful gas that made her grousy and not a happy baby. Which disturbed and distressed Mommy and Daddy - and made for long nights. We figured out what it was last night - she is sensitive to what I eat - and we have been eating lots of 'gassy' foods like onions, squash, peppers - etc. since my grandparents came to town. They have been awesomely cooking us our most favorite foods - however they are not Evie's favorite foods at the moment. So I sadly dumped my milk last night and we have her on formula only. (had Dan go out and buy the gentle tummy kind of Enfamil) - and she is doing MUCH better and is back to her super sweet little self.
So that means that Mommy needs to modify what she eats. So no more 'gassy' foods for the mommy - or no milk for baby. Sux - but it is the price you pay. My poor grandparents - I know it distresses them to no end. They came to help and to cook and take care of us - and I think they feel like they are more in the way than helping. Which isn't true. It is really nice having them here. It just sux as they brought lots of food to cook for us and about 90% is now on my no eat list. Of course this makes it extra hard for them.
In Evie developmental news - she is really rocking on Tummy time. She is starting to hold her head up a bit (albeit with LOTS of skawking) - but it is really a sight to see. She even did a few push ups last night. My sister and I were whooping it up to encourage her on.
She is also smiling quite a bit and even laughing. Totally, and truly awesome. I keep telling her that she is going to be something really amazing. I tell her daily that she might be president, or a famous actress or even a scientist that develops the cure for cancer. I mean - come on - with a name like Evelyn Davis - and her gorgeous good looks - how could she NOT be something utterly fantastic? I mean - Evelyn Davis is definitely NOT a porno name - so just so you know - she won't be THAT. And we have already talked to her about it - no Girls Gone Wild either.
public 0 1637 2006-08-16 19:55:00 2006-08-17 01:00:25 The one where my stomach burst - or felt like it
So yesterday afternoon through today I have been in an agony people can only dream of for thier foes. It must have been something I ate - or something. I cried. I ached. I wanted to vomit. Instead I lay in bed and moaned and tried to ball myself up. All night I was up - with well - to put it delicately - stomach issues.
So today - my abs are paying the price. All of the 'build' up in my stomach caused pressure against all of the cuts and what not .So now I can feel them ALL. I can barely walk with the pain of it. BUT - it is getting better. Fun - no? So that is why I have been absent today. That and little Evie decided that play time was at 1:30am last night - until 4:30a. Mommy took baby so that daddy could sleep.
Thank god she is cute - that is all I gotta say.
And to prove it - here are the pics I promised. I allow you all to go gooey over her too. LOL and I will be back tomorrow with more.
Love,
Jen
I may love chicken pot pie - but I won't be eating it anytime soon. Thanks to a noter - I decided to take my stomach pain seriously and went to the doctor's this morning. I have a sonogram to check for gallstones tomorrow morning - seeing as I have lots of the symptoms. I am also now on a very restricted diet of no fat. Ah well. Will help with the weight loss process. If it IS gallstones - well - one more surgery won't kill me - right?
I'll keep ya posted.
public 0 2125 2006-08-22 16:11:00 2006-08-22 21:16:10 Happy One Month Little Girl
Dear Darling Evie,
It is hard to believe, but you have already been with us for one month. And what a month it has been. I wasn't particurarly craving drama in my life - but you definitely have livened things up. In fact - most of the time when I carried you you made your little presence known.
The day you were born was the happiest and the scariest day of my life. I still am moved to weep when I think of how close I was to losing you. I plan to write your birth story out soon - all of the joy and the heartache - so I won't weigh down your one month birthday letter - but I wanted to say how blessed and honored I feel that you decided that your father and I were a worthwhile family to live with. I'm not sure if your Grandma Joan and Grandpa Bob helped you make the decision to stay with us - but if they did - I hope they know how eternally grateful I am.
Already you have marveled and amazed me. When I look at this picture of you in the NICU I get so sad. You were so sweet and fragile - so little. But underneath it all - you were and are a hell of a fighter.
What has been so awesome is how you have amazed and baffled all of the medical professionals who are supposed to have all of the answers. You weren't supposed to be able to eat on your own - to breathe on your own. You weren't supposed to laugh, to recognize your surroundings - hell - hold your head up - even a little. And yet you do. You do it all - and more.
In this picture I see all the knowledge of the world in your eyes. You have such a sage face. Your stepaunt put it so well when she said that you know all the secrets of the Universe when you are born and it is my job as your parent to make sure you hold onto as much of that knowledge as possible. I see the secrets of the stars in your eyes. I hope that you retain that knowledge little one because you have already taught me so much about the world in just your short time on earth.
The first 10 days of your life was really hard on your mommy. I was healing just like you and I wasn't able to hold you like I wanted to - or feed you like I wanted to. The first time I went to visit you with your daddy while I was still in the hospital you were in the incubator like bed and I reached out to hold your hand. You cried. You wailed. I couldn't pick you up - we weren't allowed. You had too many tubes attached to you - too many monitors. I made your daddy take me away again because my presence made it worse for you. My heart ached. I wept for wanting to hold you. I knew that if I could hold you and cuddle you I could take the tears away - and I couldn't. That was one of those sad memories that I will carry as a tiny scar in my heart until the day I die. One day when you have a baby of your own you will know what that love is like and I can't wait until you get to experience it for yourself. (Not that I am forcing you to grown up now. LOL).
This here is one of the two doctors who saved your life the night you were born. Your life and mine. She is an amazing lady and will forever be in our hearts. This is Doctor Petrovski. I am sure she will be a part of our lives for a long time to come. She was so happy to see you on the day of this picture. It was my second visit back to see her post-op. Isn't she just a doll? Just like you!
Since you have been home - you have never ceased to amaze me. Your progress is awe-inspiring and gives me endless delight. In fact, just yesterday I was working with you on Tummy time (which you are not all that fond of - but you work so hard at) - and I was teaching you how to turn from your tummy onto your back. On that 8th try you did it all by yourself. Luckily your daddy was working from home and was able to witness you figuring out how to angle your body so that you could find the momentum to whip yourself over on to your back. We both clapped and yelled in excitement at your acheivement.
You have also been practicing holding your head up. You are such a STRONG little girl! Its quite the sight to see when you hold your little head up and turn it from side to side. I also love to watch you watch things and track them with your eyes - I always want to say wow. In fact - I think that is one of the words I use the most now when it comes to you.
You have also learned to start grasping things. One of your favorite things is my hair.I don't mind - although I am not a big fan of the spit up in my hair - but funnily it doesn't bother me like I thought it would. Your spit up has been a harrowing experience for us all. I can tell you that. It pains me to see you spit up and then struggle with it as you try to find a breathe around the formula. I have cried more than once in sympathy for you. We have tried switching formulas and I am trying no breast milk for a bit because that seems to make it much worse for you as you not only spit up but cry and wimper in gas pain. I am still pumping as I refuse to give up - but I miss breastfeeding you. I think all mothers who try it feel guilty when they can't.
When we went strictly to formula - you did SOO good for 2 whole days. You slept two nights in a row for 6 hours straight. Your daddy and I were crowing with joy. Of course you decided we got way too much sleep and have gone in the opposite direction the last two nights. In fact - to the extreme. Last night you only slept in 1/2 increments. I think you knew that daddy was going out of town to Austin for the day and was leaving early - and knew that mommy would be the only one getting up with you so you tortured me. Last night was a bad night for that.
BUT - you made it all worthwhile this afternoon. We were playing our favorite little game - the mommy kissy bubble game. I kiss you on the mouth and make big 'MUWHAWA' sounds and you open your little mouth like a fish and smile. Well - today you laughed during our little game.
You make it all worthwhile kiddo. That one little laugh - the smile - the love in your eyes when you look at me during 'OUR' game - all of the pain - healing - heartache - lost sleep - totally worth it.
I love you little one.
Love,
Mommy
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