Today is Evie's 7 month birthday, which is plenty of reason to celebrate - but today's entry isn't about that nor is it her seventh month update which will come later this weekend.
Today's entry is completely a stand alone entry that will describe what yesterday was all about and why it is a day I promise not to forget.
Yesterday Evie had her follow up CT Scan to check whether there was any permanent damage from the skull fracture and brain bleed. (I spare you the medical terms).
I was so worried, fretful about yesterday. The run up to the day left me in knots and on the verge of tears whenever I thought about it. Not so much for the procedure, or the diagnosis - but rather the sedation of little Evie.
I did my research before going and had a list of questions for the anesthesiologistt before he called to prepare us for the procedure. The thought of Evie being put under just horrified me. What if she didn't come out of it? What if she had a rare, but fatal reaction. The images racing around in my mind in waking and sleeping thoughts made me sick to my stomach and made my throat tight with unshed tears. Knowing I would have to look at my lifeless daughter and walk out of the room and leave her in someone else's hands - made me want to scream.
After talking to the doctor I felt a little better in that he would allow me to be in the room when Evie was put under and he was using gas (he is a pediatric anesthesiologist who only works with children and developed his own method for safety reasons) and not oral or rectal sedatives. He promised me he had never seen any adverse reactions and that he would be with her during the whole procedure.
They asked us to get to Children's Medical Center - Dallas around 8:15a even though the procedure was not until 9:50a. Thankfully we were told to see our pediatric nuerosurgeon as soon as the procedure was over so that we didn't have to wait for our original 1:30p appointment with her.
It is always a hard place to go. There are some truly sick children there. One of the babies that was having a CT before us was a little black boy with a huge, deformed head. This skull was bulging in the front and he looked out blankly from his slack face when his eyes were open. He was there with his young and sweet looking mother, her proud, tearful older mother and two very bizarre chain-smoking, mullet wearing white women. I was trying to figure out the connection as the little boy didn't look to be related to the women. I later figured that maybe they were some women from a church that might have been funding his care as they talked a whole lot about God while the mother and grandmother politely agreed that it was God's work - or something like that - I tried to tune it out honestly as the preaching was going on ad naseum.
So after getting there - weighing Evie in and getting a little band for her leg with an ID on it - we waited. She was amazing about it considering she wasn't allowed to eat at all since the night before. Dan walked back and forth down the halls with her and watched the salt water fish tank they had supplied for the kiddos to look at. And it was nice to look at the fish as a parent too.
When they finally took us down to get her CT Scans - we ran into the family of the little boy. He had just finished up with his CT. As we sat down to wait, the doctor came in to meet us and take us to the CT room. He put me instantly at ease - that is until I had to place Evie on the table to ready her for sedation. I did my best to smile at her and reassure her as the doctor asked me to hold both of her hands. He placed the mask over her face as Evie started to turn red and buck and cry a little at the restrictiveness of the mask and the smell of the gas. The doctor assured Evie and told her that he knew it smelled funny. I held her hands and shushed her sweetly as tears filled my eyes looking at my helpless little baby. Then her eyes drifted shut and I will always remember her wet, spiky lashes laying against her cheek.
We were told to go back to the waiting room and that the doctor would bring her out to us once it was all over. I went into the hall and a sob escaped my throat. Nightmares I had had of her not waking up flashed before my eyes as I silently cursed myself for being such a basketcase. Dan took me aside and hugged me - which of course was in front of ANOTHER CT room that the doctor coming out of almost ran us over. I apologized and we wandered into the waiting room where the other family was getting ready to leave.
I spotted a box of tissues and said, "oh, how thoughtful - they have tissues for parents' and I went and grabbed one out of the box. It was the grandmother's box of tissue! I was mortified - but she assured me it was no problem and offered me more as they were walking out the door. I thanked her and told her no - but boy was my face red!
As the minutes passed - I calmed down. I knew she was in good hands and out of mine - so I had to just believe she would be fine.
Before I knew it, the doctor was walking in with a very animated little Evie. He said she had popped awake just as he was finishing and she was happily babbling away when he brought her in. I have a feeling it must have been some kind of laughing gas as for the next 2 hours or so she babbled on happily at the top of her lungs. It was really quite cute.
We then were taken to a 'holding' room to observe her for 1/2 hour and we told to give her Pedalyte to make sure she didn't have an adverse reactions and throw up. She HATED the Pedalyte - but once we were given the ok - we gave her a bottle and she was muchly happy to be having food again.
While waiting for the OK - we looked over her CT films. We noticed a black area on the left-side, but seeing as neither of us has a degree in nuerology nor radiology - we could just look at it and compare it to the LAST ones which contained a lot more black. (according to Dan - I refused to look at them).
Once we walked back over to the Nuerosurgeon's office - we sat and waited with other parents. There was a little boy - maybe 4 - who had an enlarged head and was obviously pretty severe. His speech was on par with Evie's and he was in a large stroller and his father held his head and fed him goldfish crackers. My heart broke for both of them.
There were other kids that came in - and all were far more disabled than Evie - and it made us so thankful for her.
We were ushered into the doctor's office -and thankfully we didn't have to wait long. She came in and said:
"Does she act as perfect as her brain looks on these scans?"
I wanted to cry once more - this time in joy. Dr. Price was so great to us. She is one of those doctors that we LIKE to meet with because she is a joyful, fun, engaging kind of person.
She showed us the scans and let us know that Evie had had a stroke during the episode at her birth. That was what the black area indicated. She explained that on the scale of strokes it was fairly mild (Dan figures around 5%) - and that she had it at the perfect time if she was going to have a stroke. She said that babies were the best to have them as the brain just grew around it and filled in the dead space.
I explained to our concerns about her right eye and her tendency to fist on the right side a wee bit more than the left. She said that the fisting - yes - that was attributed to the stroke - but all that means is that Evie will most likely be a lefty versus a righty - which she could have been anyway seeing as I am a lefty.
She said the eye was not attributed to brain - as both eyes are ruled by the right side of the brain. Who knew?
She said that Evie was a perfectly wonderful, healthy little girl and she asked how she was doing developmentally. I told her the doctor placed her about 1/2 a month behind - she laughed and waived it off with her hand as pish tosh.
She said she was happy to let us know that was discharging us. We never have to go back to her again. Evie is a perfectly, wonderful, well baby - and just writing that sentence after these 7 months - having an expert tell me something my heart has always believed - brings tears to my eyes.
To celebrate Dan and I opened up the bottle of Jameson's that we got when my parents died. Each of children had gotten one of thier bottles and we all have our events to open the bottle. We had saved it originally for Evie's birth - but after all that happened - it didn't seem the right time to open it. Last night it felt right. We toasted her - we toasted her doctors - we toasted fate - luck - love and the future.
Yesterday was the end of the difficult part - now comes the fun part.
She will still be in physical therapy - and I will still watch her - but not so much under the microscope anymore. But I CAN promise that I will still love and cuddle and adore her like I do now. It isn't often that we get to hug a miracle - is it?
public 0 7520 2007-02-28 17:13:00 2007-02-28 23:14:21 As time speeds up- 7 months
So I am starting to feel the guilt little girl - its been a week since you turned seven months and I am just NOW getting to it. I know - I know. But I am your mom - and well you know me - so you aren't too, too surprised. Part of it of course is just culling all of the wonderful pictures of you. Over 250 for this month alone. What can I say? I just love you and love to catch every outfit, mood, face, smile, etc.
Here is a picture that your aunty Rachel took of you when you first came home. Can you believe how small you were??? Your new playmate, Will was born on Feb 12 and he is about that size. Sometimes it is just so hard for me to believe you were ever that small!
This is you on Monday when we took you to get your ears checked (PERFECT) and tried to stop by and see the lovely lady that delivered you (hence the adorable ducky dress).
See? You are hanging out of that swing now. You also reach up now and 'catch' the fishies. Its funny because we can hear it grinding as you hold on tight and it can't turn.
Here are a few more of you in that darling dress as you are getting too big for that thing too!
Seeing as I am a first time mommy who spends 95% of her time with you - I think that you are perfectly sized - as in normal size. That is until I see OTHER babies - you know - the ones that are either close to your age or older - and you are bigger than they are. Not in FAT - but in length. When we went and saw the Nuerosurgeon - there was a little girl there that was 6 months old. She was TINY compared to you. And your Daddy has no concept of it either because he will see a little one that looks about your size and when he asks how OLD they are - it usually ranges from 12 months to 18 months. Laughs. You are gonna be a tall one kid.
Here you are with the teddy we gauge your size with each month and your super cool 'Elvis' Elmo that sings and swivels his hips. God it is so funny and you love it. You reach out to Elmo and 'pet' him like you do the cat.
Nowadays I can't go a day without a picture of you and the Pean's together. You both love each other so much and look for each other when one is not around. Peanut is so good with you too - and YOU have gotten good with her yourself. You actually pet her now instead of grabbing hold and pulling out huge amounts of fur.
As the weather has been getting better here - we have been going for 'rides' on the weekends. One of those rides was up to OK and back on the back roads. We had to stop at the TX tourists/traveler's stop of course - and get a picture of you on the Texas. Good lord was it windy that day.
Of course mingled in with the NICE days - are days of snow and even dust storms! Here is one of my favorite pictures taken recently. It is of you and Daddy enjoying your first snow.
The two loves of my life.
This has been a wonderful month health wise for you. As in you have gotten the all-clear. Your brain is healed, your eyesight and hearing are perfect - AND - you said MAMA and DADA - granted you didn't realize it was a moniker for me or your daddy - but it was still way cool. You DID call out something like MOMMY today and I looked at you and you smiled - so maybe you HAVE gotten it. Smart kid.
You are also getting more 'bendy' - which is getting us "this much closer" to you crawling-running-driving a car all night. I am both excited and terrified. You - MOBILE - scares me quite a bit and what little freedom I get from laying you on the floor in your playgym will be GONE.
We got to 'graduate' to the grocery cart this month. Good lord is that cart thingy hard to get in there and then get you propped in there. And you know what? Your mom is mentally challenged. There is a seat buckle thing in the thing and I was SURE it was to attach the seat thing to the cart. And then yesterday I saw an ad for one with a seat belt and I was like 'HEY - I wish MINE had a seat belt!' And then I hit myself in the head. DUH - the belt is for YOU - not the cart. See? I am an idiot. Here is you at Target in it. WITHOUT BEING BELTED IN.
I do have to say though that my favorite parts of this month (minus the copious laughter and gigglesnorts) - are the faces you are starting to make. Some of them look JUST like ones I make and made as a kid and I just laugh out loud at those faces because it is like looking in a mini mirror.
Ok -you want your dinner- and you deserve it. Here are just two more precious pics of you and daddy.
Love you sweety pea,
mom
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