Where do you get your morning Snark? *inappropriate language ahead*

I don't like mornings. I find them evil and repulsive. If I could sleep until noon everyday - you damn well should know I would do it in a flapjack minute.


As Dan can tell you or my sister - or anyone who has had the dishonor of being around me in the morning - I am quite hateful. I snap, snort and am generally not pleasant to be around.


So what most people who know me well and have the misfortune to be around me in the morning do - is let me be for about an hour with my coffee and my iPhone and then approach me once I have gotten in my required caffeine and snark allotment for the day.


If you are not familiar with snark - I am sorry. Your life is sad and I feel bad for you. But, as the caffeine is starting to flow through my veins this morning - I will share with you what it is and where I get it.


Nothing gets this little grinchy heart going first thing in the morning like a big tall glass of Snark.

As found in Urban Dictionary (a legendary resource of snark and slang):

Use of sarcasm or malice in speech. Commonly found in the LiveJournal community. also snarky, snarkiness.

Not to be snarky, but I don't see how what you're saying makes any sense.

"Oh, well, *that's* a good idea. How about we *all* follow *you* and jump off a cliff like lemmings?" she said snarkily.

I first turn to Oh No They Didn't on - livejournal. As you can see by the definition above - it is synonymous with snark.


Oh how I cackle with glee at the snarkfest that reigns there each and everyday. Like this gem found in today's "Best Infomercials of all time" posting..

Ever wanted to get rid of your wrinkled ass face whilst looking like a serial killer? Rejuvenique Mask fixes your face from the inside while you frighten people from the outside! Jason Voorhees must have a fucking flaw free face no wonder he wore this!

Oh the endless snark and haterade in ONTD makes me just so happy and joyful in the morning. And not only is it is cornucopia of inappropriateness - it is also a veritable encyclopedia of common internet slang that is a joy to figure out. Below are a few of my favorites.


*No 1 curr: No one cares. You suck.
*Stranger Bitch: A person who will talk mess about you to everybody but refuses to address you
*Stay Pressed: Obsessed or attuned to a particular thing, idea, or person to an unseemly degree. Always used in the pejorative. (Usually used for people who are hating on someone obsessively - you tell them to 'stay pressed' and it is slam)
*Fierce and flawless HBIC: The queen bitch. Head Bitch in Charge. No faults.


Also found within ONTD are my favorite and secretly obsessed about animated icons and memes. OMG - each time I find one I love - I snatch it for my own. (because pretty much all of them are stolen from someone else and as said above - no1curr).


Here are a few more recent ones:

Then we have meme's - (look it up) - but here are two of my absolutely FAVORITE ones.

The first is Paula Deen riding things. OMG - I can't stop snickering. I so love me some Paula. http://pauladeenridingthings.com/

And then we have the sad Keenu meme's.

I could LITERALLY go on ALL day on ONTD, Meme's - etc- but I don't have all day - and I want you discover some of those gems yourself.

So moving on with our tour - we have Regretsy. 

This one is SOO Much fun and also gleeful resplendent in snarkiness. I tend to use the term 'butthurt' a lot when I refer to regretsy because many people get just that - butthurt.

I mean - COME ON - if you are going to post THIS piece of atrociousness and then demand $100 for it - then you need someone to make fun of you.

Or this - OMG - there are things that do NOT need be repurposed.

Many, many more where those come from - but I need to move the hell on - as I am sure do you.

Next we have - People of Walmart. 

Lord Hammercy. NGL (not gonna lie) - but I go here sometimes hoping to see someone I know. Snickers.

Moving on - we have Cake Wrecks. MUHAHAHAHA. I've sent in a few in my day.

Next on our tours is a great guilty pleasure - because being a snark can be dangerous for your health - so what's a girl to do? Oh yes - passive-aggressive notes. LOVE that.

Sorry - had to wipe a tear of joy away with that last one. The next stop on our tour is lamebook. HA HA. Awesomesauce is what this is. 

There is more there - but I got tired of it - as you see - it is farther down my list. But you have been warned - copy/pastin' all ya'lls.

And surprisingly - last on my tour is cnn.com. I know - weird huh? But have you ever READ the comments sections on stories? OMG - there are a whole lot of cray cray up in hurr in there.

And seriously - come on. How can I NOT snark at this?